


President of the S.A.H.D.

by akelios



Category: Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humour, Kinkmeme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-11
Updated: 2011-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-30 00:09:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/325622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akelios/pseuds/akelios
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's being hunted through the halls of Edinburgh. There's only one thing he can do to save himself: ask Ramirez for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	President of the S.A.H.D.

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely stole the names (and some descriptions) of the other characters from other fandoms at will.

"I knew it would happen eventually."

"Knew what?" I glared down at Carlos and whispered. If they heard me talking, I was fucked. They'd barge in here and-

"That you'd fall for the Ramirez charm." He shrugged, smiling. "It was inevitable. No one can resist me forever."

"I-" I spluttered and could feel my face heating up. "I am not falling for anything on you! What in the hell makes you think-"

"You grabbed me in the hall, manhandled me into- I think it's a broom closet, hermano, and your hand's on my ass. What else am I supposed to think?"

"My-" My left hand flexed and I realized that yes, the nice, firm thing it was resting on was in fact Carlos' ass. I jerked it away like it was going to catch on fire. Stupid left hand. It was always doing things without checking with me first. "I'm hiding, you asshole! They've been following me all week."

Ramirez gave me a look. It was one of those looks that said 'I am humoring the crazy man who I am trapped with'.

"Following you? Harry, we're inside Edinburgh. Nothing's following you around here." I groaned and let my head fall forward to hit the wall of the little room we were hiding in.

"The kids! Junior Wardens in training?" Carlos nodded, his dark eyes bright with amusement. "They're following me! Every time I turn around they're right there! The big one, Piotr? He's taking notes. I don't know what he's taking notes of, but he's writing things down in that notebook he carries around. I found Yusuke in the bathroom with me!"

A weird choking noise came from Ramirez and I glared at him. He was laughing. I punched him in the arm. Gently. Sort of. He just laughed harder.

"They like you, man. And it's a public restroom. Other people are allowed in there at the same time, or did they not have those back when you were a kid?"

"Har-de-fucking-har. There was nobody else in the whole place and he decided to stand right next to me. It's creepy as hell, man. I think they're starting to dress like me and their master's are giving me dirty looks. That red head, the one from Japan? She came up to me the other day and just...stared. Then made squeaky noises at me and ran away! What the hell?"

"You're imagining things. You do realize that, right? Your clothes aren't exactly exclusive and all the wizards on the Council over a certain age give you dirty looks. It's got nothing to do with the baby Wardens." I think I growled, because he laughed out loud this time and held up a hand. "Look, I'll check it out. Give you a neutral opinion of the situation. And if I need to I'll talk to them. 'Cause you can't keep hiding in the closet, man. It ain't healthy. Plus, they'll figure it out eventually."

~

I'm not Harry Dresden and I'm not a professionally trained investigator. I am, however, Carlos Eduardo Ramirez, Warden of the White Council and incredibly handsome genius. I've been with Harry in some really rough spots. The Darkhallow, the battle in the Raith Deeps and a dozen other battles with the Reds. Where Harry is a blunt instrument, I am a quiet, stealthy tool.

So when I set out to get the evidence to reassure Harry that the Baby Wardens weren't stalking him, I didn't break into their chambers or anything like that. I just followed them. Quietly, from under a veil. For the first few days I didn't spot anything weird.

Sure, the kids followed Harry around, but they did it unobtrusively and there really weren't a whole lot of entertainment options around here. No electronics and the company was severely limited. Hell, I'd follow Harry around too given the choices. At least with him there was always the possibility of something catching on fire. I could see the tension in Harry though. His eyes were getting a little wild, like an animal ready to turn around and bite, but it wasn't entirely the fault of his new friends. Harry was never at his best when he had to spend any length of time in Edinburgh. It made him jumpy - he said it gave him nightmares of being one of those rabbits in _Watership Down_.

It wasn't until the third or fourth day of observation that I realized the kids were organized. One of them would follow Harry for a while and then when that student got called away there would be another one to take his place. That was more than just boredom. So I started watching a little more carefully. They did take notes. And every day all six of them disappeared for a hour or two. Shit. I hated to admit it, but it was weird. So I took it to the next step.

I broke into Wizard Lensherr's quarters. His apprentice, Piotr, looked to be the ringleader of whatever was going on. I went in when everyone was at lunch - we all tended to congregate for the meals if nothing else. Wizards are known for being solitary for a reason. We tend to irritate the crap out of one another and a bunch of irate wizards is not good for the immediate surroundings. Yet when it came to food we managed to be sociable. One of the great mysteries of wizardom.

There wasn't anything obvious in the shared quarters, or in Piotr's bedroom. I was about to give up and try the next apprentice down on the list, the red headed girl, when the lock clicked on the door into the rooms. I threw a veil up and held my breath. Piotr slipped through the door and headed straight back into his room. He emerged a minute later with a backpack. One of the things they probably teach you at investigator school is to take advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. I, being a superior sort of person, didn't need to be taught that.

I followed Piotr through the halls, making sure to keep track of the landmarks so I could find my way back again. We walked for about fifteen minutes before Piotr came to a stop in front of a solid wall. It didn't look any different from the rest of the walls, but he put his hand against a glyph that sort of looked like an owl and part of the wall shuddered and slid back a few inches before it slid to the side, leaving a doorway. Piotr went through it and I hurried to keep up with him.

There was a tingling sensation and the faint smell of ozone and burnt hair. I blinked, or tried to, and found myself lying on my back in a room brightly lit by a dozen torches. A ring of worried young faces hovered over me.

"Que?"

"He's not dead!" One of the faces, a little girl with long black curls jerked back, her voice shrill.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Alice! Of course he's not dead! It's a guardian spell. It's not supposed to be lethal." The tall, stocky man with short brown hair frowned at me. "And she wants to be a Warden." He cleared his throat. "Ah, Warden Ramirez? Are you all right?"

"No. Someone just- what the hell are you kids doing?" Someone grabbed my shoulders as the rest of them moved away and lifted me into a sitting position. My limbs were a little shaky, like I'd gotten shocked, but everything was working. Just not as quickly as I'd like.

"Uh. This is. Um."

"This is our meeting room, Warden. We're permitted to gather, under article 75.135 of the Council's bylaws. There's nothing illegal going on here. The ward is merely for our security and privacy. If you hadn't tried to enter the room under a veil, nothing would have happened." The red head from Japan, Shuichi, quirked an eyebrow out me.

"Look, Miss Minamino. You lot have been sneaking around, stalking one of the Wardens of the White Council. I have every right to investigate you." They all giggled except for Shuichi, who went bright red to match her hair.

"Uh, Warden Ramirez?"

"What?"

"Shuichi's a boy." More laughter and now it was my turn to flush. Well, hell.

"Sorry. And not the point. Sneaking. Spying. Explain." Piotr, shaking his head, walked over to a far wall and pulled a rolling chalk board out from one corner. He flipped it around so that I could see what was written on it.

'The Society for the Appreciation of Harry Dresden'

Stars and stones. They even had a logo! Someone had some talent because the drawing, while minimalistic, was very clearly representative of Harry's staff with a globe of fire at the end.

"We've been following Warden Dresden around because it's every S.A.H.D. members' duty to gather as much information as possible whenever possible. Our next newsletter comes out in two weeks and this is an unprecedented opportunity!” I stared at the boy who spoke. Yusuke. Another one from Japan, but very different from Shuichi, who was apparently just a very fashionable young man.

“You...have a newsletter? For the six of you?” Keiran, one of the older apprentices, straightened up from his slouch against the far wall.

“No. There's about fifty members of the Society. We mail copies out.”

“Fif-” I felt my jaw drop. That was- that was nuts.

“You can't tell!” Alice popped back up in front of me, suddenly enough that I rocked back on my ass. “If you tell him he'll _never_ come back to any of the Council meetings and he'll avoid us and we won't be able to learn from him anymore! We don't want to make him uncomfortable, we just think he's so awesome!” Her slender, strong fingers dug into my shoulders.

“Okay! Okay!” I grabbed her wrists and made her hold still. “Here's the thing. I understand. You all think Harry's cool. And he is. But he's not an idiot. He's noticed you guys following him and you _are_ making him uncomfortable. Why do you think I'm looking into it? Creeping up to him in the bathroom?” I looked at Yusuke, who bared his teeth at me in a fierce, unapologetic grin. “Geeking out on him in the hallway?” Shuichi sighed and his shoulders slumped. “Taking _notes_?” Piotr shrugged.

“I needed to remember the details of the story correctly, for the files.”

“I almost hate to ask, but what files?”

“The Dresden Files. We have a record of every case we know of that he has been involved in. We're preserving them for posterity.” I rubbed my hand over my face.

“Please, please tell me none of you have a giant doll or a poster of him around here somewhere, or in your houses? Or an altar with his image?” They all gave me scandalized looks. “Good. We haven't fallen into stalker territory.” I thought for a few seconds. “How about this?”

They all focused on me.

“Back off of Harry. Give him some space. In a few weeks, when he's not so freaked out by you guys and your stalker tendencies, I'll talk to him about you. Let him know you're just kids who are looking to learn from him.”

“But-” Alice looked like she was going to cry. Or hit me with something. Maybe both.

“And in the mean time, I will answer any questions that I can. We're close, Harry and I. Like this.” I crossed my fingers and held them up. “I'll even tell you what it was like to ride his dinosaur.” Wide, wide eyes. “Not like _that_! Hells bells, what's with kids these days? The Darkhallow?”

“Oh! Oh, yes! The information on that is quite sketchy, because of the necromancy involved. Any additional information for the files would be great!” Fatima, who had remained quiet in a corner until that point snapped her fingers and a rolling file cart zipped across the room to her feet. She pulled out a file and a pencil, slid them onto the table beside her and watched me expectantly. I rose and took a seat next to her. The others all found places to sit and class began.


End file.
